to something i have lost forever

things i have lost,it will not refundable
things i have gain,i will not let it go


the real me isn't what u think it is
the real me will not show if u don't know who i am


i am a person who is full of hatred
but i cover my true self with a smile


the reason of it there is a reason behind it
the reason itself show that i am not a person who love to smile


i have no expression no kindness
nobody really understand why am i like this


no matter what i am still who i am
no matter what i gain or lost i will not regret


although it is painful in the heart itself
although i will not care as my face shown


actually i won't show my true self except u are my trustful one


to be the one i trust the most
must understand all about me


about my past about my present about the future with me
i am already tired of these pain and didn't understand


but i have to get used of it
i have a long way to go


either with my own self
either with my trustful one


the two used to be my trustful one
but they didn't understand my painful and tiredness when i am facing them with my smile


trust from them and me for them
i don't know it can still last for how long


the moment we share the moment we smile together
it is the most truly moment i have with you and my very own


that moment only make the true me disappear and reborn to a new me that i want me to be that kind of person forever forever and forever


the real me a cruel a heartless a person that full of hared toward everything around me defensive against everyone around me to not to be hurt by anyone and not to hurt anyone that is one kind of mine in my true self


who will understand me and make me completely change to a person i want to be, a kind a friendly a person who is full of love toward everyone i hope the person will come to be one day.


something i have lost sure will one day will be back to me i am sorry upon things i have done it wrongly i apologize to you two forgiveness from you both i won't dare to ask from you both but if you both do so i will not do it anymore in my life time


trust or to be trusted
who will be the first of it


*i am not perfect so as all of us try to be perfect is useless, to be natural is the best choice i think but i haven't choose it because now i am another me a person with two attitude a twin effect of a person so am i Alan*